Dance With My Father

Dance with My Father by Luther Van Dross is such an impactful song, reminding a man about his father who'd already gone. "Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence, my father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and the spend me around till I fell asleep. Then up the stairs he would carry me and I knew for sure I was loved...."  It's such a beautiful song with a beautiful lyrics.

The song touches my heart, reminding me of the experiences I'd never had. I was born and he left. I still have a father but it's better to leave it at that. I don't want to judge him for what he's done to us. I believe he has his own reasons, but at the same time I'm entitled to feel what I feel about him for I am his child. Every time a car passed by my house, God knew how I wished he'd come home to meet me, missing me, hugging me, telling me that he loves me. And most of the time, my heart broke into pieces and I was just a little girl, barely knew the meaning of reality. Birthdays were just numbers, my achievements in school were just normal, nobody even cared to congratulate. And as years gone by, I accepted the fact that I'll never recover those lost times with him and this heart succumbs to numbness.

People always say that independent is my strong suit but do I have a choice? When there's no wall to lean on, you only have your two feet to stand firm. 

My daughter's life is so different than mine. She is so lucky to have a father who cares so much about her, he could move the world to prove her that. Whatever he does, Tia is his center. In fact, this little girl drives him even more to achieve success. Love is so special, so abstract; you couldn't see it, you couldn't buy it but God knows you could feel it if it's there, if it's given, if it's shared. When a child kisses a father without being told to do so, that's love that comes from inside her. I love to see them together. The way my husband cares about his daughter really touches my heart. The way his heart melts when he sees his little princess is priceless. My girl is the luckiest person in the world, she doesn't even realize it yet. :)

Father is an important figure in one's family. Never underestimate the importance (of a father's love). Husband and wife could quarrel and argue til they turned blue but don't use the kids to punish any one of you. That's the greatest act of selfishness a human being could commit to the world. Don't think just because they are men, they don't have hearts, they don't have feelings, they don't love their kids. I have came across many couples who cut the fathers from their children, just because they can. You might hate the fathers but the children are forced to (be away from their fathers). And many kids don't dare to argue because they love you. 

I really appreciate the love my husband has for his little girl, how could I ever deny that love from both of them. To mothers who think that you can raise your children by yourselves, perhaps you can but there's no replacement for the need of a kid to love her father.  

Book Review: I Do, Now What? - Guiliana & Bill Rancic

It took me quite a while to decide whether to buy this book or not. Am a fan of Guiliana and Bill show on E! channel but do I want to get their advice about marriage? I am happily married with a kid, I wasn't sure whether spending this many dollars worth it. Cut the story short, the book arrived after 2 weeks from Amazon.com, pretty in fresh pink. I like! I started reading the first chapter and I finished the book in a short 3 days. I have no regrets whatsoever. They have done a good job with this book.

I urge couples to read this book. It's a light read but it tackles a lot of serious issues. As a reader, you get to listen to both sides of the stories. G is so hilarious throughout the book and she has great personality! No wonder Bill had his eyes on her on the first meeting. As celebrities, they dealt with pre-nup issue before their marriage, an issue which we don't have to consider at all, but more importantly, as a couple, they discuss money, honesty, give and take, in-laws, expectations, sex, -- issues that other couples deal with on a daily basis.

I particularly like the chapter about giving gifts on special occasions. One person's priority might not be another's agenda at all due to different upbringing. Bill's family places great importance in celebrating special dates while Guiliana's parents didn't pay that much attention about this matter and once they totally forgot her birthday. Therefore, this is an issue both of them have to deal with in their relationship. To impress Bill with the right gift, Guiliana was very focused on buying him a good wallet and ended up giving him a woman purse. 

G also lied about her age in the beginning of their relationship.  Bill was in for a big surprise when he wanted to organize her surprise 3-0 b'day party. And how Bill set his foot about honesty in their relationship. Bill is a guy guy. When he referred Balenciaga boots as Balchiogo, I was floored. He loves Guiliana to death but at the same time he knows when to give in and when to stand firm. Both of them are having different personality but at the same time having a lot of things in common. The fact that they compromise just because of their love for one another is absolutely endearing.

I could relate to a few incidents in the book. Though they earn a lot of money and are famous, challenges they face as a couple are no different than the rest of us. Guys could learn a lot from Bill as a man. You state what you want from a relationship and holding on to the rest of the promises you make in the marriage. That's good enough for us, women. One thing I found very important is to not 'sell' your partner in any circumstances. There was an incident where Guiliana didn't get Bill's back in an interview though she didn't mean to do it. Bill was hurt tremendously due that that 'backstabbing". Always believe that he/she is the best partner for life. Bill loves it when Guiliana calls him "My Hot Hubby". Well, who wouldn't? :) And he always text her with "How's my beautiful wife today?"

The cost of shipping this book to Malaysia might be a bit much but reading it is a pure pleasure. 

Rating: 5 Radars

Simple Gestures, Big Positive Impact on Relationship

For better, for worse, til death do us part, insyaAllah. The fact is, there's no deadline in a marriage, you can't go into it thinking that if it doesn't work, there'll always be an exit. There's an exit but that should be your last choice after you have tried your best and nothing but the best. Relationship needs efforts, collective efforts from both parties to make it interesting, working, exciting. We don't need to play it big all the time, treating your partner with expensive dinners, gifts, vacations, etc. I don't say I don't welcome that but relationship is life and life has 24-hours a day, 365 days a year and it has many number of years. Appreciating one another everyday would bring us closer together than expensive gifts and treats we receive a few times a year. Let's practice giving our partners simple gestures in our daily lives and tell them we do care.   


Women Are Not Born With Superpowers
If you think that it's natural for a wife to cook, to take care of you and your children, to wash and iron clothes of the entire family, to clean the house, to provide you sex while looking gorgeous at the same time and maintain great relationship with your entire family, you need help. I don't say that we cease to do all that but we are not born superhumans equipped with superpowers. While we could do some or all of the above, we need you to notice our efforts. Simple gestures such as thank you is very much appreciated. My husband never forget to say thank you after a meal is served or a coffee is made for him, that makes me feel good. Or better still, you could train yourself to say "Anything I could help you with?". Repeat after me.. "Anything...


Yes I Do... This, And You Do... That
We share our lives and a house together so we should somehow share our chores, shouldn't we? Do not make your spouse resent you because you let her do all the chores by herself. Right after the wedding, many wives want to impress their husbands by wanting to do everything. See, I'm your perfect choice. Wait 2-3 years, they gonna resent you thinking you are a jerk who doesn't help.  Split the tasks earlier on to make sure you know your responsibilities. Sometimes husbands want to help but don't know how and don't want to ask.How about.. meals, laundry, child - wife, clean house, toilet, take out trash - husband. And please wifey, don't look when your husband is doing the chores. Your husbands might not do it right but at the end of the day, you want the job done. An extra set of hands is gold.


It's Never Funny To Mock Your Honey
I have heard a lot of stories where one tease leads to a slight mockery which then balloons to downright rude remarks. Don't start disrespecting your spouse by saying something not nice about him or her. "You'd never fit an M. Look at your big ass." That kinda talking must not leave your mouth at all. Don't joke about his/her body, appearance, it's just tasteless. Since the day I said yes to marrying him, my husband never once makes me feel miserable about myself. Seriously. He knows that I have my own mirror so I don't need convincing in that area. And please refrain yourself from undermining your spouse in public, it just makes you look like an inconsiderate idiot. 


Caressing Is Caring
Don't underestimate the power of touching. It's soothing, it's love, it's comforting. We spend a lot of times in front of the television and it doesn't hurt to hold your spouse's hands or caressing him/her. Simple touch conveys overwhelming love than a basket of flowers. And it goes both ways. A nice foot massage from a hubby is a nice way to say thank you for a nice dinner you cook. You don't need to be a masseur, a nice rub on the sole is sufficient. 


Ignore the How, Just Enjoy It
A lot of people concern about the process of doing than the result of what's been done. For me, the process should be inside a black box. As long as I get the things done, that's what matter.  My husband wants his clothes pressed and ready to wear, that's what I provide. My husband wants his meals cooked and ready to eat, that's what I provide. So what if I cook Ragu with a little extra garlic I chopped by myself. What matter is, the Bolognese sauce is perfect. So, what if somebody else iron my clothes, is that a sin? :) So, if you want your house clean, do not watch how your husband does it, just enjoy the clean tiles after. 


A marriage is not a smooth-sailing journey on a calm ocean, enjoy the sail and let's work as a team all the time to keep the ship afloat because the marriage-ship has no destination to anchor.  

10 Things Women Need To Know About Guys

Dear Women, please accept that men came from a different planet than us. If we are not so different, we might not be attracted to one another at all (this might not apply to all of us). If we know about them better, we might be able to live a better and happier life. So stop fighting them... understand them and have fun along the way. 

1. Please Know What You Want - This is our (women) biggest problem. We don't know what we want! We know what we don't want but we are not really sure of what we want. Man: Do you want to have pizza? Woman: Not really Man: Let's have kebab then. Woman: I don't think I want kebab. Man: Oooookay... what do you feel like having? Woman: Hmm.. I don't know, what about you? (And start that conversation from the beginning and continue a few laps until the man made the decision that the woman hated but followed anyway because the woman did not know what she wanted). Urgh! Exasperating. If we know what we want, life is so much easier for both gender, isn't it?

2. Attending An Opportunity Doesn't Mean He's Gonna Cheat or He Is Cheating On You - Why in the world that women do not give permissions for their husbands or boyfriends to enjoy free trips that they (women) are not included. Just because you cannot go, you stop him from going or if he went anyway, you'd make him feel guilty for the rest of his life. What's up with that? How is that fair? Stop thinking about you, let them enjoy the opportunity while he could, and you enjoy yours. My colleague told me.... No way I'm gonna join the company trip to Korea, my wife will nag me for so long, RM4000 worth of travel isn't worth it! 

3. Football, Basketballs and Wresting are Their Soaps - Women are so disturbed by their spouses watching sports, people make advertisements about it. You watch your soap operas, Korean drama, TV3 soaps, E!, So You Think You Can Dance, etc everyday and when the sports day (Saturday) come, you pull a long face? Why-lah? Give 'em a break! Now, make some tea, grab a book and read something, woman!

4. They React Better When They Are Fed - Do not leave your men roaming around the house empty stomach. It'd do no good to anyone. What you can control is the amount of food and the quality they consume but the fact that they need food to behave properly cannot be denied. 

5. They Want Sex Everyday -This is so true, nothing but true so help us God. There are times when they are afraid to make their moves but believe me, it's in their mind everyday... secretly hoping that we signal a green light. 

6. They Don't Hide Underlying Meaning, Anywhere - Guys are so straightforward, their minds do not do layers. (Maybe they do layers when they are cheating but other than that... no layers).They mean 'fine' when they say 'fine'. Woman: What do you want for the anniversary? Man: Don't buy me anything. Woman: (He must want something special) Man: (Don't buy me anything, or perhaps a sexy nurse costume *wink*)  

Another example, Woman: Could you help me to buy 2 bottles of milk? Man: Ok (went to the shop, grabbed 2 bottles of milk and went home) If the situation was reversed. Man: Could you help me to buy 2 bottles of milk? Woman: OK (Went to the shop, grabbed 4 bottles of milk, 3 bottles of orange juice, 4 kit kats, 2 coca cola, 3 Super Rings and the total bill could break a junior account)

7. They Like Attention - If you ignore your man, there are many out there who would pay attention. Trust me. The trick with men is, pay attention to them. They are boys, they want you to adore him, make him feel special. Do as what you want him to do to you and he will return the favor. He might not look like The Rock but neither are you Gisele Bundchen. 

8. Their Dream of Becoming A Rock Star Hasn't Gone Away After All These Years - I'm not KIDDING!! Let them alone in the car while rock CD is playing and you can see the rockstar wannabe making an appearance. They think they can still pull a gig though they have touched the big FOR TEE. 

9. They Love Their Kids - Women always underestimate the love guys have for their kids. They might not be Father of The Year materials but their hearts are softer when the kids are around. Appreciate that. 

10. The Trash Can Wait Five Minutes -  Do not nag. Please don't. Whatever you ask them to do, say it properly and wait. Taking trash out in the middle of a football game is not exactly encouraging. Asking them to go to the shop in the middle of the night when he's resting would require some motivation on his part. And again, don't nag. It's a  major turn-off. 

How about L-Day?

Valentine's Day is when buying roses could burn a hole in your pocket and restaurants get to be extra creative with their set dinner like having "Hatiku Milikmu"or "Cintaku Hanyut Di Lautan Rindu" type-a-dish in their menu, and candles are also on the hot item list when housewives with smaller budget all over the world plan for romantic dinners at home. And most importantly, V-Day is indeed deemed to be the most romantic day of the year filled with well-thought out romantic gestures for lovers out there.


It's well understood that Muslim are forbidden to celebrate the day, there's no argument about that. But again, it's kind of nice to have a day to celebrate your love for one another, maybe we should call it an L-Day (Lovers Day), to be held on 2nd of February. Some have an opinion that we don't need such a day because we love each other everyday. People who say this obviously are cheapskate and selfish. Who are we kidding?!! We love the attention, don't we? Yes we do. We love the fact that our partner puts a bit more effort to make us happy, and vice versa. So, what could be nice to do on the L-Day? 


Gold Class Cinema - Haha!! This idea is awesome. Cinemas nowadays are not like the old Cathay wayang where rats could have a party under the seats and the popcorn tastes like rubber slippers. Now we have Premier Class, Gold Glass where seats are larger, blankets are available, and they can serve food straight to your seats for a ticket that costs you 10 lunches in a regular workday in Puchong. Choose a great movie and don't put a limit on the food you could order, that would be quite awesome in my book. :P

Reminisce - What???? Hold on, before you judge me...this activity is fun. Just hang out, drink coffee and reminisce about the old days. Recall the great times together and talked about those happy and memorable moments. Perhaps both of you could bring your photobooks, album, memoribilia, etc, and journey back into your relationship together. These memories could fade in your not-so-reliable-deteriorating brains so take this time to recall all these memories, sync them and make them fresh again. You could rekindle some emotions along the way.

Eat - Even without a day to remember also we eat non-stop so what difference does this day make? Take this time to try something new. Go for a French dinner, try Tibetan food, try Peruvian if any. How about Ethiopian food, that would be something new, wouldn't it? Challenge your culinary taste and be happy about it even if the food doesnt turn out as you good as you wish it to be. 

Sex - Ooooo.... this is definitely not to be missed. If you think you gonna let things flow as it should be, you should rethink that decision. Choreograph your night to be the night to remember with costume, gadgets, story, ambiance, location, etc... but first..  make sure you are married. :P 

Present - Don't say you don't care about present, because deep down of course you care. *wink*  What would be the most thoughtful/meaningful present ever? A massage for 6 sessions is good. A good handbag is good. A soap is not. A bottle of good perfume is nice. Diamond is over the top but welcomed. A watch is good. Basically, just receive whatever he/she wants to give you with a grateful heart, that would make any present a good present. 

So, let's celebrate L-Day on 2.2.2012 next year. Woo hoo!

A note to my love

Love, 

Last time, we looked for sparks

We searched for chemistry

Addicted to the electric 

Now, i look at you, I see my comfort

i look at you, i see my future

i look at you, i see my home

i look at you, i see love

don't get me wrong

you are still the apple of my eyes

you are still the king of my heart 

you are still my hero

but now, every time i look at you

I find my most comfortable spot in the whole wide world

how could i describe what i feel in my heart

to have you in my life is like finding my tranquility in the middle of the windy ocean

Love, 

please hold me as long as you live 

because i could simply die without you around. 

XOXO