How I hope I felt settled after the decision was made. It's not easy to deal with this decision. On the one hand, it's easy for us to have one kid, full attention, excellent commitment. On the other hand, we have so much to give but why do we settle for only one. It feels kind of selfish to only have one. Somehow, I can relate to my husband's worry. He doesn't want me to suffer another miscarriage and we are not that young to be taking care of a baby with our current job commitments. I also have my own worry, I couldn't stomach the idea of repeating the whole process of taking care of a baby all over again. Does this mean I'm done? Then, if I was done, why do I have this feeling like I am not settled?
Perhaps this feeling is normal, every normal woman experiences it. Taking care of a baby is not a walk in the park, it's not all rosy. I don't think my kid is a difficult baby at all but I still went through that period where you have to guess what she wanted. I took everything in stride but I don't think it's something that I want to repeat.
Looking at people who have a lot of kids, I couldn't help but wonder how do they do it? Do they give full attention to each and every kid or they just let things work out. I cheat my way through i.e. sending my laundry to the launderette, buying dinner sometimes. How to deal with a family of five for example? I suppose my husband also have the same concern, he comes from a family of three, the parents and him. I on the other hand, come from a big family of 12 siblings. I think he's comfortable with only Tia, but me... why do i feel this way?
At this point in time I'm gonna hold on tight to this quote "God will not give you something if you are not ready for it."... and i hope my feeling will settle sometimes soon.
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